We were chatting about durians this afternoon on MSN while he was at work, and he drew me a durian tree:


O.o I didn't think it was possible to draw something that nice on MSN. Lol... Maybe the only other person I know who can do something like this is my dear Juliana, but she's already a professional! :P Who know Ming had a hidden talent? Oh he drew me a hand flipping "the bird" on my PDA before, but I didn't get to save it and lost it when my PDA ran out of battery (I didn't buy backup battery bleah). The hand looked damn real and good la! And useful in situations when I'm unhappy with people too haha.

Lol so apparently I look 16 to Ming's colleagues. Almost 10 years younger than Ming himself (he's 25 fyi). Like a secondary school kid. I wonder if I can con people if I roam the streets in my Anderson Secondary School uniform. *sniggers* Maybe that's why guys always like to "pian" me. Bleah...

Wish I had more motivation to do more work. Due to lack of sleep, I've been feeling shitty and dizzy. Headaches and aching body. Ming came over to look for me yesterday 'cos he knew that I was feeling sian. So sweet. He came over despite feeling tired. Sigh, seriously, I think such guys are almost non-existent. Please raise your hand if you're that type. Moreover, he doesn't have his own car so he took public transport. I felt so loved. Most guys are only like that at the beginning of a relationship or if he's chasing the girl, not when they're 3-4 years into the relationship.

Today Ben reminded me that a PhD student's accomplishments reflects how effective his/her advisor is. That is so pressurising la, no matter what he says! No break no break. :( When can I even sleep in peace for once? Thankfully I got no white hair. Used to have in secondary school.

More work tonight. Never ends. Buffet tomorrow though. Can't wait. :D

LuVeLLe - (L) me to the bones! says (4:05 PM):
where u wan ur time machine to bring u to?
Mings says (4:06 PM):
to the future
where theres no one
cept me and u?
LuVeLLe - (L) me to the bones! says (4:08 PM):
aww...so sweet really??
*hugs*

Gwen Stefani - The Sweet Escape

If I could escape I would but,
First of all, let me say
I must apologize for acting stank & treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
Tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet, I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better, Tell me boy wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

I want to get away, to our sweet escape
I want to get away, yeah

You held me down, I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out, I need to get me out of this joint
Come on let's bounce, counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around, let's look for some common ground
So baby, times get a little crazy
I've been gettin' a little lazy, waitin' on you to come save me
I can see that you're angry by the way that you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me, wanna take you with me

If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet (sorry boy)
I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet (sorry boy)
I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Went out with Ming yesterday around 2.30pm. Met at City Hall, and we just ended up wandering around 'cos we didn't know what to do haha. Just walked and talked. Great exercise + great company. I feel like things are changing between us now, for the better. I am needing him more and loving him more again, if that sounds right enough.

Wanted to billiard, but no more 8' tables left, so we were bordering on going for KTV again. Lol... If only we had more money. Soon la... Then I can spoil you k? :P

Ended up sitting at Starbucks at Suntec, 'cos my feet were hurting from too much walking (repurcussions from the day before, with all that shopping). We talked, but we were both dozing off. Bleah. I really should sleep more. Had dinner, and took a cab back to my place. Home by 7pm. We both slept on my bed, woke up, and chatted about girls, and how they can be the most heartless creatures.

Anyway coming to that topic, Ming says that girls are the most heartless creatures when it comes to dumping a guy, 'cos the guy suddenly can switch from bf status to pest. I told him that the situation depends, but it is quite true. It's not that we are heartless, but it's because we don't want to dangle a carrot in front of our exs whom we don't love anymore and give them false hopes. I mean, if she keeps entertaining his calls and giving in to his requests to see her, he may still hang on to the hope that they may get back together, when it really is time to move on. I'm sure there are still girls around that don't know how to reject guys the proper way, and end up giving their pursuers/exs the wrong idea. Would you guys rather that happen? Isn't it better that she seems cruel to you, and after the wounds heal, you guys still can be friends? We girls are never intentionally cruel, unless you guys deserve it. But us seeming heartless when we break up with our guys, we do not mean to become like that. We just want a clean break so that everyone can move on with their lives and not waste time letting our guys go after something that will never ever happen again.

So Ming says he knows that when girls reject you or show no particular interest in you, it's highly possible that she will never ever be interested in you. Ok that's quite true. When she says she's not ready for a relationship, she will never ever be ready with you. That is a fact that most guys choose to reject. Of course, if you don't want to end up looking like a pest to her, the best thing to do is to back off and give her some space. At least then, a friendship can still work out at worst case. If you choose to think logically, you'll see that there is no such thing as being not ready for a relationship. If the chemistry is right, she would have taken a special interest in you and would have been willing to spend more time with you. She would still need to have her lunch/dinner/leisure time, wouldn't she?

I taught Ming a way to make an ex-gf actually care about her ex-bf, and reverse her indifference towards him. Sorry guys, cannot share here, 'cos most girls will kill me for saying it. Haha. And it has nothing to do with making yourselves look pitiful or such crap, 'cos why would we girls care if our ex-bfs are stupid enough to self-harm or let his emotions affect his life negatively?

Anyway, my body system finally crashed today. Sneezed like mad and felt super drowsy in church today. Slept from 12 plus to 7.30pm, and I'm still tired. Must meet Ben tomorrow noon. So this means back to work. Will be busy from next week onwards. My experiments still suck like hell but I think the problem might be with the PlanetLab nodes and not my code. Grrr... I hate experiments.

Just baked a white cake, going to make it into a raspberry swirl cake topped with white chocolate ganache. In my oven now lies one batch of cheesecake brownies, still baking at 350 degree F. Since I am so so so healthy, I used only egg whites in my white cake, so now I have 3 spare egg yolks, that I'd probably use for cookies. Or if my mum gets to them first, she'll cook up something yummy with them. I just saw the expiration date on my unopened dark corn syrup: 16/7/07. WHAT??? Now I have to bake 10 whole pecan pies to use them, except that I don't have enough eggs. -.- Maybe not 10 la. 4 pecan pies should be enough to finish the corn syrup. But then again I still need 12 eggs. And more pecans.

What am I rambling about at 6am on a Saturday morning? I slept at 1am, only to toss and turn on my bed. I think I was subconscious the whole time until I finally got up at 4am. I've been sleeping so little! I'm surprised it doesn't show much on my face. See my previous entry? I slept at around 5am, and woke up at 8.30am on Friday. Then I did my workout, and was out the whole day.

Yesterday I left home around 11am and went to Tanjong Pagar to look for Ming to accompany him for lunch. Apparently I made him miss his big fat lunch at Amara Hotel. :( But he said he prefers my company at BK. So yeay. But he made me eat a Hershey's Sundae Pie when I'm supposed to lose weight! Oh well, thankfully I burned everything by shopping the entire noon. Got for myself a dress, a jacket, a halter top, another top, a pearl bracelet and a pair of white wedge shoes. Met Ming again after his work for dinner, and we went for KTV till night time. Just the 2 of us. Sang a whole array of songs, mostly Mandarin, then English. I even sang Cantonese and Hokkien la. Who says my Chinese isn't good... Bleah.

Going to meet him again today 'cos it's the weekend! But don't know what to do yet. Ok time to check on my brownies!

Bleah! Cannot sleep! Insomnia again... And then I crash in the afternoons. Great. Hungry... But nooo. Starve Mich. Starve.

Was chatting with Hwee Xian earlier and we were talking about pay increases. Seems like fresh grads these days are getting quite a lot huh. About $3k or so. I was getting pretty sore, since I'm still a poor graduate student. Stipend doesn't pay a lot; everyone's getting twice as much as I am. But then... I just found out that from next month onwards, my stipend will increase by $500. How awesome is that?! The first digit of my pay will change. Hooray to the government, because apparently they want more Singaporean PhD grads now.

So my dear baby, I can now afford to spoil you more! Cheer up your stressful work life with more yummy food, more presents and more treats, ok? *hugs* Don't always so moody la. My heart hurts when I don't see you smile.

But people, don't now come asking for me to treat and shit la, can? I'm still a poor graduate student. Need some savings too, you know. Damn buay paiseh you guys. :P

Anyway Ben's finishing his reservist today, I think. Which means, no more slacking! Boohoo... Will get super busy and stressful again. Go school everyday and do work. End of vacation for me. Better make full use of the rest of this week to relax.

Will try sleeping again. :(

Hmm it seems like many people are confused about my graduation and what I'm doing right now. So let me clear this up once and for all. I entered uni in August 2003 to do my bachelors in computing (computer engineering), and was due to graduate in July 2007. But I accelerated my course and finished my degree in December 2006, and started my PhD course 1 semester early in January 2007. My graduation ceremony was held in July 2007, since I'm still graduating with my cohort and commencements are only held once a year. So the graduation pictures you saw were for my bachelors degree. PhD one still so far away. :(

Ming was so moody today. Sigh... I don't know if I helped much anyway. He didn't even have the appetite to eat. Played with his PSP for awhile; he had Grand Theft Auto Vice City. Lol... Apparently I can't drive in virtual life. But the whole idea is to run people over anyway. :P

I so so so desperately need a big huge break. I wanna vacation somewhere. Aussie or Europe or the US. Stupid Ming tempted me with Bellagio offers previously, and then told me that he doesn't want to go. -.-

Nostalgia... I still remember how we drove through the freaking snow storm from Tahoe to Vegas. I was the navigator, 'cos I trusted Ming more to drive anyway, and I was better with maps. Haha. The journey through time... December 2005...

Everything looked like this most of the journey (Hooray to 4WDs):

So dark and dreary... Even though it was freaking daytime.

Don't think I ever posted these pics before. Oh well, guess it's better late than never. Babe! When you taking me overseas again?!
( Bring me back to Vegas, baby! )

Baby, why did you hurt me so much before? If you had never made me cry so much then, I wouldn't still be sleepless at night. I would still be loving you, craving for you, and missing you everyday. I would still be myself, with no secrets to hide. We would make sweet love everyday, and nothing could ever come in between us.

It's been 2 years, and the repercussions still show. I want them to disappear. I want you to trust me. I want you to hold me, and tell me that you'll love me no matter who I have become. I need to feel right around you again. I need to love you as passionately as I did back then. I need to not feel indifferent towards your presence.

Are memories all that we have left? Why is it that you're the only one who can picture our future together? Whatever happened to my dreams with you? Why have I become so selfish? Can things between us ever be right again?

What have I to look forward to now that so much has changed? Nothing seems right anymore. Smiles only show on the surface, but no one knows what goes on deep inside. Scars still remain, even though the wounds have healed and there is no more pain. If only you hadn't killed my soul. If only you hadn't said those hurtful words. If only you could see how much pain you were bringing to me back then, then maybe, just maybe, I could still be me. It would've just been me and you. Just the two of us. Our very own heaven.

Except that everything that happened has happened. I am digging deeper into my own grave, while you're desperately trying to pull me out of it. But for every inch I dig, you've only had the strength to pull me up half an inch. You cannot let go, and I seem to be dragging you in with me each time I fall further. You haven't stopped trying though, and I thank you for that. But even with your hand in mine, I still feel the emptiness inside.

I am missing you right now. But I wish I could just fall asleep and forget everything. I just wish, for once, that I could stop using you as an excuse for everything that has gone wrong in my life.

Today was so tiring. Fatigue or whatever. Didn't even workout yesterday and today! Arghh freaking out! So damn fat... Can feel my muscles disintegrating and fats growing. But anyway, met up with my loverboy at Far East 'cos he wants to buy a PSP to play while journeying to work everyday. Don't know why he don't wanna buy the pink colour one. :(

We then went for dinner. Sigh everytime meet him can only spend a few hours with him. Sucks to have no money and no time.

I'm trying to be funny. I've got one of him trying to be funny too, but don't know if he'll like it if I put it up haha. =P


Finally!


I seldom tie my hair like this. Ming says it's nice haha. Aww...

I still feel a little blue though. Probably need more sleep or a liposuction or something. Ming has gone to bed. I'm probably going to do a little work then sleep.

Ben wants me to take over the other 2 experiments on PlanetLab. Boo! More work for me! I'm quite sick and tired really. Wish I got a car though. Or at least more cash so that I can cab around. Bleah... Then I wouldn't always make excuses not to go back to school.